Jack of all trades master of none
Even got lost trying to find the M1
Ended up in South Shields with a couple of drunks

Moved to Crouch End suburb of cool
Took a few drugs acted the fool
Fell in love with a girl on her harmonium stool

Went round the world in the back of a van
We kept in touch with our only fan
He was short and sweet lived in Japan

The band broke up round a pool in Bangkok
To tell you the truth it didn't come as a shock
Our days were numbered like hands on a clock

So we carried on me and the serious girl
Had massive hits all round the world
We got so big we both became ill

Flew into London with a bit of a tan
Caught the train back to Sunderland to see me old man
We had bacon and eggs from the same frying pan

To walk down the high street
Avoiding a scrap
"are you Dave Stewart?"
"yeah"
:you're a crap"
Had a pint in the Beehive then home for a nap

Got married in France to an Irish colleen
I was thirty three she was only thirteen
I wore orange but she wore green

Now I sit and write plays for myself and my sons
They keep me amused yeah I have much more fun
Than big lines of speed at quarter to one
On a peaceful Sunday morning