EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!

ALEXANDER THE GREAT

VS!

IVAN THE TERRIBLE!

BEGIN!



Look alive

Crème de la Kremlin's arriving

Try to serve Ivan

No surviving

You're a land rover, I'm a land expander

Here to hand you your first loss, Alexander

I'll school you like Aristotle

Smack you harder than you hit that bottle

You're nothing but an overrated lush, I'll crush ya

I'm the first Tsar of all of Russia

You're an asshole with an anastole

I'm heaven sent, divine and holy

So don't even try to approach the God

Or you'll get a huge sack like Novgorod



Hey fella, swell diss

But now you got the Panhellenist from Pella hella pissed

Stepping up's foolish as well as useless

Little Vasilyevich, let me spell out the list

I brought foes to their knees in Phoenicia

Breezed through Gaza to Giza

Had the Balkans, Persia, Syria, Iraq and Pakistan

In my expansion pack

While you died in the middle of a game of chess

You got vodka bars, flavorless

And what I'm about to spit will be the craziest

So go fix me a drink so I can stay refreshed

Kudos! Greek for the glory I got

From winning every single war that I fought

So this will be straight forward, I'll take up this sword that I brought

And slice you in half like the Gordian knot

And I'll soar to the top like the eagle whose feather I would sport in the helmet that I wore

As I swatted my many enemies, shattered 'em like a porcelain pot

And they'd be praying for the torture to stop

But I would leave 'em contorted and they'd be screaming and roaring

Until their vocal chords were torn up and shot

And I would holler Bucephalus!

Hop on my horsey and trot

I win Ivan, I vanquish

I'm an immortal, you're not