I've been married, and married, and often I've sighed

"I'm never a bridesmaid, I'm always a bride"



I never divorced them, I hadn't the heart

Yet remember these sweet words, "`till death do us part"



I married many men, a ton of them

Because I was untrue to none of them

Because I bumped off every one of them

To keep my love alive



Sir Paul was frail, he looked a wreck to me

At night he was a horse's neck to me

So I performed an appendectomy

To keep my love alive



Sir Thomas had insomnia, he couldn't sleep at night

I bought a little arsenic, he's sleeping now all right



Sir Philip played the harp, I cussed the thing

I crowned him with his harp to bust the thing

And now he plays where harps are just the thing

To keep my love alive

To keep my love alive



(bridge)



I thought Sir George had possibilities

But his flirtations made me ill at ease

And when I'm ill at ease, I kill at ease

To keep my love alive



Sir Charles came from a sanitorium

And yelled for drinks in my emporium

I mixed one drink, he's in memorium

To keep my love alive



Sir Francis was a singing bird, a nightingale, that's why

I tossed him off my balcony, to see if he, could fly



Sir Atherton indulged in fratricide,

He killed his dad and that was patricide

One night I stabbed him by my mattress-side

To keep my love alive

To keep my love alive

To keep my love alive