She comes in about six o'clock
Trippin' over toys and pickin' up socks
And you think her day had been a ton of trouble
She's been doing important things
With tradin' stamps and turnip greens
And have I noticed how the price of soap has doubled.

She's as normal as she can be
And she never misses Jeopardy
And I think that she'd elope with Dick VanDyke
And when the kids have all been fed
And when I lay me down to bed
She gives me my time of the night.

Then she's a lover she comes to my side
Right around midnight after her day's been so confused
That's why I love her and that's why I do right
And if there's a reason God gave me a feeling baby it's you.

She hates tangerines, she loves the rain
Volunteers me for everything
And the bank has never been right in her life
She thinks my Uncle Bill's a sap
She's taught me words like over draft
And the only number she remembers is her shoe size.

She had words with a guy next door
And almost started a neighborhood war
'Cause he said something smart to our son Bob
And therefore I had to invite him in
And apologize and convince him
That she really didn't mean he was a big fat slob.

She's as normal as she can be
And she never misses Jeopardy
And I think that she'd elope with Dick VanDyke
And when the kids have all been fed
And when I lay me down to bed
She gives me my time of the night...