When I'm out TDY sometimes I'm a rolling stone
But there are nights I stay in my room 'cause I want to 
be alone
I just want to get some me time - a chance to feel reborn
I dim the lights and lock the door and cuddle up to 
squiggly porn

Sure there are real pornos but I'd rather not
They make me feel all dirty inside and I know that I'd 
get caught
With my friend squiggly porn I get that same cheap thrill
Without "Naked Sorority Grandmas 6" showing up on my Visa 
bill

Yeah squiggly porn you're always around
I keep coming back though you let me down
You give me a tit then you take it away
I'm still looking forward to that special day
When I can see some poontang
And chicks making out
And it ain't all distorted
Yeah there won't be a doubt
That I conquered the beast
Then what will I do?
Squiggly porn I'll miss you