Well I walk up to you and I shake your hand
Ask you how your day was, you were up all night, that 
sucks I understand
Now hurry the fuck up cause I don't want to wait
I'm in a hurry and it's your fault I'm stepping 20 
minutes late

Cause I'm a pilot, I only care about me
I don't give a fuck if I bring your jet back code 2 or 
code 3
I'm a pilot and I never make mistakes
I'll take the credit if it aint broken, I'll blame you 
if it breaks

I don't even know where the oil filter lies
But I'll tell you fix it faster, goddammit! ‘Cause 
I'm the one who flies
And I'll leave FOD in the cockpit without even a trace
Then I'll over-g the targeting pod with a smile on my 
face

Cause I'm a pilot, I only care about me
I don't give a fuck if I bring your jet back code 2 or 
code 3
I'm a pilot and I never make mistakes
I'll take the credit if it aint broken, I'll blame you 
if it breaks

I'll put out some chaff, maybe a flare. Aw fuck it
Cause when I get back I want to see you have to replace 
the whole damn bucket
Forget to turn it on? Fuck no! It just pisses me off 
when something aint broke

Cause I'm a pilot and I'm a mean old son of a bitch. 
Yeah I know that it sucks that it's all cold and rainy 
outside and here I am all warm and toasty inside my 
cockpit. Hey crewchief, while you're at it, why don't 
you get my tapes for me? What? Do you think I want to 
hold this helmet bag all damn day?

I'll piss on your seat and blame it on a leak
Oh wait, gotta think of something else that's the same 
excuse that I used last week

When I'm taxiing in do whatever it is you do
You can do a dance, pull down your pants, I don't care 
I not even looking at you
And I'm sorry I scratched your jet up, maybe she had an 
itch
Cause your baby may have your name on her, but I just 
made her my bitch

Cause I'm a pilot, I only care about me
I don't give a fuck if I bring your jet back code 2 or 
code 3
I'm a pilot and I never make mistakes
I'll take the credit if it aint broken, I'll blame you 
if it breaks