All right!
 Stop whatcha doin'
 'cause I'm about to ruin
 the image and the style that ya used to.
 I look funny
 but yo I'm makin' money  see
 so yo world I hope you're ready for me.
 Now gather round
 I'm the new fool in town
 and my sound's laid down by the Underground.
 I drink up all the Hennessey ya got on ya shelf
 so just let me introduce myself
 My name is Humpty, pronounced with a Umpty.
 Yo ladies, oh how I like to hump thee.
 And all the rappers in the top ten--please allow me to bump thee.
 I'm steppin' tall, y'all,
 and just like Humpty Dumpty
 you're gonna fall when the stereos pump me.
 I like to rhyme,
 I like my beats funky,
 I'm spunky. I like my oatmeal lumpy.
 I'm sick wit dis, straight gangsta mack
 but sometimes I get ridiculous
 I'll eat up all your crackers and your licorice
 hey yo fat girl, c'mere--are ya ticklish?
 Yeah, I called ya fat.
 Look at me, I'm skinny
 It never stopped me from gettin' busy
 I'm a freak
 I like the girls with the boom
 I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom
 I'm crazy.
 Allow me to amaze thee.
 They say I'm ugly but it just don't faze me.
 I'm still gettin' in the girls' pants
 and I even got my own dance
 {Chorus:}
 The Humpty Dance is your chance to do the hump
 Do the Humpty Hump, come on and do the Humpty Hump
 Do the Humpty Hump, just watch me do the Humpty Hump
 Do ya know what I'm doin', doin' the Humpty Hump
 Do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
 Verse Two:
 People say "Yo, Humpty, you're really funny lookin'"
 that's all right 'cause I get things cookin'
 Ya stare, ya glare, ya constantly try to compare me
 but ya can't get near me
 I give 'em more, see, and on the floor, B,
 all the girls they adore me
 Oh yes, ladies, I'm really bein' sincere
 'cause in a 69 my humpty nose will tickle ya rear.
 My nose is big, uh-uh I'm not ashamed
 Big like a pickle, I'm still gettin' paid
 I get laid by the ladies, ya know I'm in charge,
 both how I'm livin' and my nose is large
 I get stoopid, I shoot an arrow like Cupid,
 I use a word that don't mean nothin', like looptid
 I sang on Doowhutchalike, and if ya missed it,
 I'm the one who said just grab 'em in the biscuits
 Also told ya that I like to bite
 Well, yeah, I guess it's obvious, I also like to write.
 All ya had to do was give Humpty a chance
 and now I'm gonna do my dance.
 {Chorus}
 Breakdown:
 Oh, yeah, that's the break, y'all
 Let me hear a little bit of that bass groove right here
 Oh, yeah!
 Now that I told ya a little bit about myself
 let me tell ya a little bit about this dance
 It's real easy to do--check it out
 Verse Three:
 First I limp to the side like my leg was broken
 Shakin' and twitchin' kinda like I was smokin'
 Crazy wack funky
 People say ya look like M.C. Hammer on crack, Humpty
 That's all right 'cause my body's in motion
 It's supposed to look like a fit or a convulsion
 Anyone can play this game
 This is my dance, y'all, Humpty Hump's my name
 No two people will do it the same
 Ya got it down when ya appear to be in pain
 Humpin', funkin', jumpin',
 jig around, shakin' ya rump,
 and when the dude a chump pump points a finger like a stump
 tell him step off, I'm doin' the Hump.
 {Chorus}
 Black people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
 White people, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
 Puerto Ricans, do the Humpty Hump, just keep on doin' the hump
 Samoans, do the Humpty Hump, do the Humpty Hump
 Let's get stoopid!
 {Chorus}
 Oh, yeah, come on and break it down
 Outro:
 Once again, the Underground is in the house
 I'd like to send a shout out to the whole world,
 keep on doin' the Humpty Dance,
 and to the ladies,
 peace and humptiness forever
 {Music and fade