She's a latter-day saint
But she's a Saturday sinner
Suicide, Sunday dessert
For weekends drinkin her dinner
The worry keeps her slender
The pills keep her awake
Her man can't make her happy but he helps to still the shakes
So I met her boyfriend at the bar
He said he'd stick to beer
Said I could keep the cocktails
Martinis taste like tears
I asked if he would leave her, what with all the grief
He passed the pitcher back to me and asked what I believed
I said virginity's a childhood disease
And these days, it seems, have interest for the attic thief
Patience for the epigrammatic but brief
There's only four ways to acquire
Anyone says different is a salesman or a liar
You can find it, earn it, make it, or steal it
I haven't found a single way to keep it
You can leash it, it'll leave; you can teach it to stay and it'll leave
You can case a display and let it decay and waste it away and day by day
It leaves you by degrees
He put his hand on my knee; sometimes that's what it takes
He doesn't make me happy but he helps to still the shakes

Put all your worries away
For all the noise you make
You were always safe
You were always, you were always, you were always sa----fe
With me, safe in sea

Congratulations to the dry eyes
Consolation to the nice guys
And condensation's on the underside of everything I touch
I seem to chill the objects that I meant so much to love
A man can keep you sane five hundred and fifty days
A year and a half, give or take an afternoon
We should've sooner left to the train but we made it
I guess that makes us the survivors to a blooming in my brain, I hate it
But it makes the colors brighter
Pump the anesthesia, spite the man that leaves ya, rightly stand
The disease you contracted while standing boring and bored
Come back in the laboratory
The nervous disorder only the rich can afford
Safe with me
Safe in sea
Sa---------fe
Put all your worries away
For all the noise you make
You were always safe
You were always, you were always, you were always sa-----fe
With me, safe in sea
And I'm too polite to accuse you of being
Where you've been tonight