Greetings:This is the Secretary of War at the State Department 

of the United States

We have a problem. 

The companies want something done about this sluggish 

world economic situation

Profits have been running a little thin lately 

and we need to stimulate some growth

Now we know 

there's an alarmingly high number of young people roaming 

around in your country with nothing to do but stir up trouble 

for the police and damage private property. 

It doesn't look like they'll ever get a job

It's about time we did something constructive with these people

We've got thousands of 'em here too. They're crawling all over

The companies think it's time we all sit down, have a serious get-together-

And start another war

The President? 

He loves the idea! All those missiles streaming overhead to and fro

Napalm

People running down the road, skin on fire

The Soviets seem up for it:

The Kremlin's been itching for the real thing for years. 

Hell, Afghanistan's no fun

So whadya say?

We don't even have to win this war. 

We just want to cut down on some of this excess population

Now look. Just start up a draft; draft as many of those people as you can. 

We'll call up every last youngster we can get our hands on, 

hand 'em some speed, give 'em an hour or two to learn how to use 

an automatic rifle and send 'em on their way

Libya? El Salvador? How 'bout Northern Ireland? 

Or a "moderately repressive regime" in South America?

We'll just cook up a good Soviet threat story 

in the Middle East-we need that oil

We had Libya all ready to go and Colonel Khadafy's hit squad 

didn't even show up. I tell ya

That man is unreliable. 

The Kremlin had their fingers on the button just like we did for that one

Now just think for a minute-We can make this war so big-so BIG

The more people we kill in this war, the more the economy will prosper

We can get rid of practically everybody on your dole queue if we plan this right. 

Take every loafer on welfare right off our computer rolls

Now don't worry about demonstrations-just pump up your drug supply.

So many people have hooked themselves on heroin 

and amphetamines since we took over, it's just like Vietnam. 

We had everybody so busy with LSD they never got too strong. 

Kept the war functioning just fine

It's easy. 

We've got our college kids so interested in beer 

they don't even care if we start manufacturing germ bombs again. 

Put a nuclear stockpile in their back yard, 

they wouldn't even know what it looked like

So how 'bout it? Look-War is money. 

The arms manufacturers tell me unless 

we get our bomb factories up to full production 

the whole economy is going to collapse

The Soviets are in the same boat. 

We all agree the time has come for the big one, so whadya say?!?

That's excellent. We knew you'd agree

The companies will be very pleased.