He's been roundin' off bolts since the age of fourteen

Was that a five eighths or a nine sixteenths?

He's got a metric socket that don't quite fit

Well it'll wiggle just a little but it ain't quite stripped

The safety guard's gone from his grinding machine

He got a stiff paint brush he only kinda got clean

He's the hired man, my neighbor and a cousin in law

He's a jerry riggin' fool, he got the tool for the job


Well it's vise grips for pliers, and pliers for a wrench

A wrench for a hammer, hammers everything else

It just don't seem to make much difference

I sure do like him but he's hard on equipment

I sure like you son, but you're hard on equipment


His corners ain't square and his floor ain't level

And he's always had trouble with the old tape measure

His doors don't close ‘cause the jamb ain't plumb

And he's a Goddamn menace with an air nail gun

They love to see him comin' at the lumberyard store

Fixed the leak in his roof with a two by four

Drilled holes in his boards with the wrong kinda bit

And when they don't line up he blames the government


He got the whole front yard full of fix ‘em up cars

Three don't run and the rest won't start

Everything's fine with his rebuilt motor

Except of course for the couple spare parts left over

Baler wire tie downs goin' down the road

On two bald tires and an oversize load

He ain't never read a manual ‘cause that's like cheatin'

He don't mind a little grease on his hands while he's eatin'


He's got busted up knuckles, his thumb got bruised

Jesus Christ was a carpenter, too