All you lasses in Parnassus, swallowing swords
Shooting out fire at us heathen hordes
I was thinkin' something before I began
But then you done cut off both of my hands

Now I do my drinking from bamboo straws
Constantly kicking at tarantulas
What was I thinking, move to Baltimore?
Oh yeah, the great outdoors!

Jump into the water
Keel-hauled on the Constellation
Don't sell my belongings
'Cause you know that I'll be back

Remember when I told you that I was a samurai?
Well the fact of the matter is, that was a lie
There were some other things that I'd rather not recall
Y'all can blame it all on the alcohol

But you ain't got no business criticizing me
What was I thinking, move to Baltimore?
Oh yeah, the great outdoors!

Jump into the water
Keel-hauled on the Constellation
Don't sell my belongings
'Cause you know that I'll be back

Move it on over and give me a slice
If you're in the market for green zucchini
Farmers' Almanac got the largest size
Winnebago woman, whatcha cookin'?
Move it on over and give me a slice

I'd be a richer man today if it weren't for physics
If I could levitate I would sell lots of tickets
And maybe do an interview with Larry King while floating
I'd be a richer man today if it weren't for physics
If I could levitate I would sell lots of tickets

Move it on over and give me a slice