So tell me, when you took a practice scholastic aptitude test,
Did you know the answers or did you guess?
You rely on gimmicks to amuse your fans,
And act all over bad to jack up your sound scan.
What's the matter with you?
How come you rhyme monosyllabically?
Has atrophy stricken your entire vocabulary?
Your style's like a garbage can,
It's meant to be taken out on a weekly basis.
Ever since you first record you been in a state of suspended animation.
You look like snuffaluffagus and australopiphecus,
Me cray, you abacus.
But enough about you lets talk about me,
And how  single-handedly I redefined the entire science of radiostronomy,
Even nobel prize winners questioned my notions of reality.
Oh, but I digress,
You play sorry, I play chess.
King's pawn to B3, checkmate,
Go get some purgasets!
Haha haha!
Careful with that mic, weezy!
Do you really think it's that easy?
Mmm, this is really good ice cream,
You want some of it?
Oh, my bad, I didn't know you were lactose intolerant.
Makes you pass gas, frightens all the girls away,
Only friends you keep are those you pay.
Always on the ready for the wack snack attack
I carry sandwiches around in a straight edge style Jansport backpack.
Got the gadget Q gave Bond,
control your mind,
Make you jump in a pond,
Go quack-quack,
Flap your arms,
Leave you confused but completely unharmed.
Haha haha!
Careful with that mic, weezy!
Do you really think it's that easy?
Do you really think it's true?
That up above they can't hear you.
Haha haha!
Now look here,
Both you and I know the past ten years have been rather intense,
And I'm ashamed to admit that I have been fooled by the seductions of violence,
People walking around with ugly auras,
Sometimes I'm even tempted to see the advice of Dr. Laura...
But I ignore her...
And I take a deep breath and count to ten,
Ain't gonna let it get under my skin,
Take a deep breath and count to ten,
Think of all the nice places that I've been.
Like back when I was waging peace against the Visigoths,
I was tutored in the ancient mystories by a wizened philosoph.
Learned the polyrhythm of celestial time,
And wait for the one to come and  get it done and finish the rhyme.
Haha!
Careful with that mic, weezy!
Do you really think it's that easy?
Do you really think it's true?
That up above they can't hear you!
Haha haha! Mmhmm mmhmm... Haha haha! Mmhmm mmhmm... Haha haha! Mmhmm mmhmm... Haha haha