[ARBITER]

I've a duty as the referee

At the start of the match

On behalf of all our sponsors

I must welcome you

Which I do -- there's a catch



I don't care if you're a champion

No one messes with me

I am ruthless in upholding

What I know is right

Black or white -- as you'll see



I'm on the case

Can't be fooled

Any objection

Is overruled

Yes I'm the Arbiter and I know best



[CHORUS]

He's impartial, don't push him, he's unimpressed



[ARBITER]

You got your tricks

Good for you

But there's no gambit I don't see through

Oh I'm the Arbiter I know the score



[CHORUS]

From square one he'll be watching all 64



[ARBITER]

If you're thinking of the kind of thing

That we've seen in the past

Chanting gurus, walkie-talkies,

Walkouts, hypnotists,

Tempers, fists -- not so fast



This is not the start of World War Three

No political ploys

I think both your constitutions are terrific so

Now you know -- be good boys



I'm on the case

Can't be fooled

Any objection

Is overruled

Yes I'm the Arbiter and I know best



[CHORUS]

He's impartial, don't push him, he's unimpressed



[ARBITER]

You got your tricks

Good for you

But there's no gambit I don't see through

Oh I'm the Arbiter I know the score



[CHORUS]

From square one he'll be watching all 64



[ARBITER]

Yes I'm the Arbiter I know the score



[CHORUS]

From square one he's watching all 64



[DIPLOMATS]

No one can deny that these are difficult times...



It's the U.S. versus U.S.S.R.

Yet we more or less are --



No one can deny that these are difficult times...



-- to our credit putting all that aside

We have swallowed our pride



These are dangerous and difficult times...



It really doesn't matter who comes out on top, who gets the chop

No one's way of life is threatened by a flop --

But we're gonna smash their bastard

Make him wanna change his name

Take him to the cleaners and devastate him

Wipe him out, humiliate him



We don't want the whole world saying

They can't even win a game

We have never reckoned

On coming second

There's no use in losing



It's the U.S. versus U.S.S.R.

Yet we more or less are --



No one can deny that these are difficult times



-- to our credit putting all that aside

We have swallowed our pride



These are very difficult and dangerous times...



The value of events like this need not be stressed

When East and West

Can meet as comrades, ease the tension over drinks

Through sporting links

As long as their man sinks



[MERCHANDISERS]

Whether you are pro or anti

Or could not care less

We are here to tell you

We are here to sell you chess

Not a chance of you escaping from our wiles

We've locked the doors, we've blocked the aisles

We've a franchise worth exploiting

And we will -- yes we will!

When it comes to merchandising

We could kill



When you get up --

When you get up in the morning

Till you crash at night

You will have to live your life

With bishop, rook and knight

Clean your teeth with chequered toothpaste

Wear our vests

Our kings and queens on bouncing breasts

You could even buy a set

And learn to play

We don't mind we'll sell you something

Anyway



We've done all our market research

And our findings show

That this game of chess could be around

A month or so

Maybe it's a bit confusing

For a game

But Rubik's Cubes were much the same

In the end the whole world bought one

All were gone

By which time we merchandisers

Had moved on



By which time we had moved on!



[ARBITER]

I'm on the case, can't be fooled

Any objection is overruled

Don't try to tempt me -- you've no hope

I don't like women, I don't take dope

I'm the Arbiter I know the score



[CHORUS]

From square one he'll be watching all 64



[ARBITER]

You got your tricks -- good for you

But there is no gambit I don't see through

I'm the Arbiter and I know best



[CHORUS]

He's impartial don't push him he's unimpressed



[ARBITER]

I'm the Arbiter my word is law



[CHORUS]

From square one he'll be watching you...



[EVERYONE]

Don't you find it rather touching to behold

The game that came in from the cold

Seen for what it is -- religion plus finesse

Countries, classes, creeds, as one in

Love of chess