The Soloists:

Whether you are pro or anti, 

Or could not care less, 

We are here to tell you

We are here to sell you chess.

Not a chance of you escaping

From our wiles, 

We've locked the doors, 

We've blocked the aisles, 

We've a franchise worth exploiting

And we will, yes we will! 

When it comes to merchandising

We could kill.



Female Soloists:

When you get up 



Male Soloists:

When you get up in the morning 



Soloists:

Till your bedtime book, 

You will have to live your life

With bishop, knight, and rook.



Male Soloists:

Clean your teeth with

Checkered toothpaste, 

Wear our vests.



Female Soloists:

Our kings, and queens

On bouncing breasts.



Soloists:

You could even buy a set, 

And learn to play.

We don't mind, 

We'll sell you something

Anyway.



We've done all

Our market research, 

And our finding show

That this game of chess

Will be around a month or so.

Maybe it's a bit confusing

For a game, 

But Rubik's cubes

Were much the same.



In the end

The whole world bought one 

All were gone, 

By which time

We merchandisers

Had moved on! 



By which time

We merchandisers

Had moved on!