Charles Horton's pay is doubled to half a million
Despite ongoing travel chaos, strikes, cancellations and delays
David McDermott suffered catastrophic Injuries while repairing an overhead line
If his screams are heard by no one, did it really happen?

"Well, I'll welcome to those who joined us in Stalybridge today
Please have all tickets and travel documents ready for inspection"
"Bow down to my presence, and just so you know
I've got a CCTV camera strapped to my chest"
"And I'm not afraid to use it"

"For the next thirty minutes,
I'll withhold the smallest amount of minute power known to man"
"But do not make me prove it"
"You've had an opportunity to use
Your railcard before boarding, boy
And you blew it"

It's a good job the views across the Pennines are beyond charming
But for twenty quid, I'd expect nothing less
Err, not that's a service you provide
Head resting against the vibrating windows
Is the comfort offered by the can in hand
And a sense of motion, which in fairness is only offered by the train

A network betrayal
A nation fail
Network betrayal

It is but a crime that these private companies
Have their greasy paws on our historic railways
Northern Rail appeal to the most seasoned, bottom set maths jobsworth
Not to tail them all under the same brush
Heaven forbid

Boarding the train doesn't offer same
Cultural perks as say a musical festival does
Therefore, why should we be expected to pile our
Excrement upon someone else's in the same manner
And give as the pile grows taller

"If you've noticed anything suspicious,
Then please report it to a member of this train crew"
It is bizarre to know how the tannoy pattern varies depending
Wholly on how much the conductor enjoys the sound of their own voice
Clearly a highlight for the blissfully unaware [?] decendent
Who loves to think he is providing
Much needed local knowledge and humour
I don't have time to be hanging around
Huddersfield station's lovely little café
I'm on this train because I've got actual places to be

A network betrayal
A nation fail
Network betrayal