You never had a chance
You doodied in your pants
Pant'loons - dirty pant'loons

You did the pee-pee dance
You wet your fancy pants
Pant'loons - dirty pant'loons

I was alive for only five
Shoulda played hookie and stayed at home
Where the toilet was my own
I had to go but I was too shy

Then everything came out that was inside
And in the classroom I did cry
Oh momma come and get me soon
I got a walnut in my pant'loons

CHORUS

"Take me away" cried my hidden face
She held me and started down the hall
Stopped by a mop-and-bucketed man
Who with concern wanted to know all

That's when I felt something start to fall
No time for spoken words to be said
As the walnut fell from my pant-leg
He got his answer nodded his head

Can't wait for this day to end
With every moment my humility spread
I'd pay good dollar just to forget
That walnut that fell from my pant-leg

The janitor was from Winnipeg