It was Christmas Eve, I was standin' in the parking lot                      

 of "Fabulous Girls, Nude - Nude - Nude"                                      

In the car next to me there was a young lady givin' a blow-job               

 to a man in a Santa Claus suit                                               

His beard was crooked, his hat askew                                         

Embarrassed, I turned to go                                                  

When from the back seat of that Mazda I heard somebody shout "Oh Baby, don't 

 stop"                                                                          



And a merry "Ho-ho-ho"                                                       

                                                                             

When I walked inside, I ordered a beer and a double shot of whisk            

And in three minutes I had fallen in love                                    

The DJ announced "Ladies and gentlemen, from Forth Worth, Texas: Lady Godiva"

And I sat and worshipped 'neath the angel above                              

At the end of her set she brushed her hair                                   

Came and sat on the stool to my right                                        

And said "Will you buy me a drink?"                                          

My heart beats fast, my trousers grew tight                           

And wittily I replied "Uhhh...."                                      

                                                                      

She showed me a picture of her kid                                    

Said during the day she's an art student                              

She dances six nights a week for slobs and idiots like this           

Of course, present company excluded.                                  

                                                                      

On Donner, on Dancer, on Comet, on Blitzen                            

I'm lost in the valley of the supervixens                             

Worshippin'  at the feet of the goddess above                         

I'm a pilgrim in the temple of love, ma, just a pilgrim in the temple 

of love                                                               

                                                                      

Well then Santa came stumblin' in, and somebody shouted               

"Hey Santa, where's your elves?"                                      

He sat down on the stool to my left                                   

And the bartender took a vodka bottle of the shelf                    

He asked if Mrs. Claus had called                                     

To tell her he worked on the late shift at the mall            

And he was sorry, but he just got through                      

I turned and  I asked him:                                     

"How's the kid this year, Santa?"                              

Beneath his breath he whispered "A merry fuck you"             

                                                               

Well then the owner come over and he was a short gfat ugly guy 

With a funny kind of pushed-in face                            

He shook my hand and said it was the first time                

They'd ever had a real superstar in this place                 

Lady Godiva bought me a few drinks                             

And words came out of my mouth                                 

What they were, I couldn't guess                               

But it was something about showgirls, lapdancing, motley crue  

You can guess the rest                                         

                                                               

Well I walked outside, snow was falling                        

I had some toys to put together - it was Christmas time        

Santa followed me into the parking lot                         

And threw up on the hood of the car next to mine         

I gave him my handkerchief, pulled out onto the highway  

And as I sat at the light                                

I swear I saw a sleigh with a dozen of reindeers         

Pull up out of the parking lot and cut across the mall   

And a voice shouted "Merry Christmas to all you assholes 

and to all a good fucking night!"