As I went home on Monday night as drunk as drunk could 
be 
I saw a horse outside the door where my old horse 
should be 
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you 
kindly tell to me 
Who owns that horse outside the door where my old horse 
should be? 

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, 
So drunk you can not see
That's a lovely sow that me mother sent to me 
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or 
more 
But a saddle on a sow sure I never saw before 

And as I went home on Tuesday night as drunk as drunk 
could be 
I saw a coat behind the door where my old coat should 
be 
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you 
kindly tell to me 
Who owns that coat behind the door where my old coat 
should be 

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, 
So drunk you can not see
That's a wool blanket that me mother sent to me 
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or 
more 
But buttons in a blanket sure I never saw before 

And as I went home on Wednesday night as drunk as drunk 
could be 
I saw a pipe up on the chair where my old pipe should 
be 
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you 
kindly tell to me 
Who owns that pipe up on the chair where my old pipe 
should be 

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, 
So drunk you can not see
That's a lovely tin whistle that me mother sent to me 
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or 
more 
But tobacco in a tin whistle sure I never saw before 

And as I went home on Thursday night as drunk as drunk 
could be 
I saw two boots beneath the bed where my old boots 
should be 
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you 
kindly tell to me 
Who owns them boots beneath the bed where my old boots 
should be 
Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, 
So drunk you can not see
They're two lovely Geranium pots me mother sent to me 
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or 
more 
But laces in Geranium pots I never saw before 

And as I went home on Friday night as drunk as drunk 
could be 
I saw a head upon the bed where my old head should be 
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you 
kindly tell to me 
Who owns that head upon the bed where my old head 
should be 

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, 
So drunk you can not see
That's a baby boy that me mother sent to me 
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or 
more 
But a baby boy with his whiskers on sure I never saw 
before 

And as I went home on Saturday night as drunk as drunk 
could be 
I saw two hands upon her breasts where my old hands 
should be 
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you 
kindly tell to me 
Who owns them hands upon your breasts where my old 
hands should be 

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, 
So drunk you can not see
That's a lovely night gown that me mother sent to me 
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or 
more 
But fingers in a night gown sure I never saw before 

As I went home on Sunday night as drunk as drunk could 
be 
I lad sneaking out the back, a quarter after three. 
Well, I called me wife and I said to her: Will you 
kindly tell to me 
Who was that lad sneaking out the back a quarter after 
three? 

Ah, you're drunk, you're drunk you silly old fool, 
So drunk you can not see
That was just the tax man that the Queen she sent to 
me. 
Well, it's many a day I've travelled a hundred miles or 
more 
But an Englishman who can last till three I've never 
seen before