Well, I'm a sucker for fine Cuban cigars
The problem is I can't afford them
But last year I went and got myself a whole box
And just to be safe I insured them

I took out a policy against fire and theft
And then I hurried on home
With a fifty-cent lighter I sat on my back steps
And I smoked them one by one

Two weeks later I went to see that insurance man
And I handed in my claim
With a straight face I told him that through a series of small fires
They'd all gone up in flames

They reviewed my case and they had no choice
But to pay me for what I'd done
And I took that check and bought a whole new box
And I smoked them one by one

Two weeks later this detective shows up
Tells me that company's pressing charges
One speedy trial later they locked me up
On twenty-four separate counts of arson

And now I sit and I stare at a blank brick wall
Looking back on what I've done
To pass the time I've got some ten-cent cigars
And I smoke them one by one
Yeah, I smoke them one by one