Oh lighten up, where's your sense of humor
They're just tiny little rumors
That I started 'cause I'm looking out for you
Oh settle down, I'm just a little jealous
And I'm sure those other fellas
Never once believed the lies I told were true

Like the time I told that cowboy that you used to be a man
And the doctor you were dating that you hide your wedding band
Even if I am responsible for scaring them away
You really ought to thank me, I was doing you a favor
'Cause it never woulda worked out anyway

Oh can't you see, the reason that I'm doing
All the crazy things I'm doing
Is because I really care about you girl
And I'll admit I go a little farther
Than I know I probably oughta
But it's all because I need you in my world

Like the time I told that lawyer that you spent a year in jail
And the salesman you were seeing you hang out at cheap motels
Even if I am responsible for scaring them away
You really ought to thank me, I was doing you a favor
'Cause it never woulda worked out anyway

I can't stand the thought of you with anybody else
I know I've gone overboard but I can't help myself

Like the time I told that dentist you had seven little kids
And you doubled as a dancer at the strip joint on the ridge
Even if I am responsible for scaring him away
You really ought to thank me, I was doing you a favor
'Cause it never woulda worked out anyway

Oh, it's all because I love you and I can't stop thinking of you
And it never woulda worked out anyway