[Verse 1]

Ladies and fellas, I was hella bored

So I pedaled hella hard

To a seminar in Zanzibar

Ben & Jerry, tennis star, and Pat Benatar

Ridin' on my handlebars

That I had gaffled from a scrap metal yard

When it fell apart, I got a rental car

With mental Art Lemmon's credit card

Double-parked on the boulevard in front of Cinnabon

Won a tug-of-war with a minotaur

Then I toured the far north on a Portuguese man-o-war

Santa Claus handed me a catalog

The envelope attached on it said that you can have it all

So I got an antelope from Manitoba

Salad bowl, a catapult, a can of soda, paddleboat, a camera phone

And also a Barry Manilow, autographed canteloupe and every episode of "Solid Gold"

The antidote to Babylon and Amazon in an acid-washed can of salt

Then her friend had tagged along, who looked at all on Appolonia



[Chorus]

When I do that damn thing, I do that damn thing

I do that damn thing, I do that there [x2]



[Verse 2]

Here's the story folks

Totally stoned, I rode the slopes of Mount Holyoke

At 40 below, lo and behold

My homey poked too many holes in my snowmobile wheels

Now I'm rollin' on some Boboli's with spokes

Had to pony up the dough to get it all green and gold

Mumble ho, stole an Oreo, a Polaroid, some saltines

An overcoat from Walgreens, some corduroys, some sardines, canola oil

All singin' "row, row, row ya boat"

On and on, with Obi-Wan Kenobi, Shinobi and Kobe Bryant

Pokemon and Pinnochio on the Okeefenokee, Swamp

Europe, Portugal, Tokyo, Borneo and Coney Island

With the Horny Toad Memorial Orchestra with Barry White

Lyrics Born on rhymes, Maury Povich on viola, Berry Gordy on organ & Joe Torre on chimes

Don Corleone gave accordions to Marlboro Marty

When we recorded Jerome & Marcus singin' "oh-wee-oh-wee-oh"



[Chorus x4]



Whoa...Einstein, do it



[Scratching & instrumentals]



Whoa!...Bring it back, now



[Verse 3]

I met a hermit named Kermit McDermott with a learner's permit

Curb swervin' in a purple Suburban, slurpin an urange sherbert

Eatin a turnip with the words "Dirty Dirty" written in cursive on his Burberry turban

It was curtains

At the circus in Berkley, saw a turtle with a girdle, a squirrel with a curl

And the world's biggest girl, Pearl

Urkel swirled in a circle on a dirty-ass burgundy Murray bike

I had some curry rice, a turkey burger and some curly fries

Tried to return some worthless merchandise to Circuit City

Customer service was certifiably shitty

Courtesy clerk was nervous, kinda twitchy

Had a dry-and-curl perm, reminded me of Lionel Richie

Someone blurted out ("Burrrrrr!")

That's when I turned around, observed

Truck Turner had the burner out and pointed at a surfer

Mr. Furley burst out the beauty purlor in curlers

And a security jersey, thermos full of Wild Turkey



[Chorus til end]