I tried to change



Closed my mouth more



Tried to be soft, prettier



Less... awake



Fasted for 60 days



Wore white



Abstained from mirrors



Abstained from sex



Slowly did not speak another word



And that time my hair I grew past my ankles



I slept on a mat on the floor



I swallowed a sword



I levitated



Into the basement



Confessed my sins



And was baptized in a river



Got on my knees and said, "Amen"



And said, "I mean"



I whipped my own back



And asked for dominion at your feet



I threw myself into a volcano



I drank the blood and drank the wine



I sat alone in begged and bent at the waist for God



I crossed myself in thought



I saw the devil



I grew thickened skin on my feet



I bathed in bleach



And plugged my menses with the pages from the holy book



But still inside me coiled deep was the need to know



Are you cheating?



Are you cheating on me?