"Borrow my cars-and then you give us a test."
"What? The Mario test?
"Mario? mario's a fuckin psycho."

Its 1986, I'm in the first grade,
I'm workin really hard to get mario laid,
I gotta save the princess so he can get the pussy,
Believe me-mario will get that ass so fuck luigi,
Mario really wants to get her in bed,
So bad that he's bustin up bricks with his head,
He just wants sex - so forget the wedding bells,
Jumping on lil mushroom men and turtle shells.
Dropping down green pipes and secret passage ways,
Making his move to the end,
Where the final castle lays.
Eat a magic mushroom, grow a little higher,
Eat a white flower and spit balls of fire.
All these creatures that attack won't cut Mario slack.
Oh shit, hold on, I’ll be right back.

*Playing game-button pushing*

I’m gonna beat the game if it takes me all summer,
It’s gotta be hard to get laid if you’re a plumber.
That’s why I’m gonna work extra hard for my man,
And get him to the end so he can stop using his hand.
Mario doesn’t wanna get hit, he’ll shrink,
The princess wont fuck a little kid… I think.
So stay firm and attend to your own,
And eventually the princess will attend to you’re bone.

Chorus *twice*

Save the princess quick,
Because she wants a dick.
And if you let her free,
You get the pussy

Bowser’s trying to get head right now from the princess,
But if it’s up to me that shit'll stop this instance.
Cloud people throwing little spiked animals,
Green plants with teeth that attack like cannibals.
I heard no body’s yet run in the princess’s oven,
And Mario always says, “Virgins, I love em!”
I hate the Koopa Troppers so I’m gonna run up,
And jump on the back of their shells til I get one up.
I’m gonna keep playing and I’m never gonna quit,
Because some kid at school told me you can see the princess’ tits.
I’m gonna beat it before any of my friends do,
So I can say I put pussy up on Mario’s Menu.
At the end of each level, I jump up and get the flag,
And say to myself, “Another castle’s in the bag.”
I hope Bowser’s ready cuz he’s in for a ride,
And Mario’s serious when it comes to homocide.
The princess is a freak even though she has class,
Mario will take a plunger and put it in her ass.
I hate the cannons, that shoot at you constantly,
And I hate platforms that fall out from below me.
It’s all worth while just to see Mario smile,
Standing next to the princess, buck naked profile.
So that’s why it’s my crusade to get Mario laid,
Super Mario Brother’s, best game ever made.

Chorus *twice
Save the princess quick,
Because she wants a dick.
And if you let her free,
You get the pussy.