Your Uncle Walter's going on and on

'bout everything he's seen and done

the voice of fifty years experience

he's drunk watching the television

you know he's been around the world

last night he flew to Baghdad

in his magical armchair

with cigarettes and a six pack

yeah, he just got back

the spit's flying everywhere

hey hey hey hey



CHORUS 1

your Uncle Walter's going on and on

(oh you're back so late)

where did you go that you were gone so long?

and how could you leave me here

so long with Uncle Walter?



Your Uncle Walter saw 

who fired the shots

he drove his chair in the cavalcade

He's flown from South Africa to

countries where they beat themselves

on the backs with chains

there was a fleet of battleships 

and one reclining chair

headed north on the Arabian Sea

Now he's back to tell us what

he and his oldest boy Blair

they're getting rich with 

a mail order scheme oh oh



CHORUS 2

your Uncle Walter's going on and on

(we're so glad you're home)

where did you go that you were gone so long?

and how could you leave me here 

so long with Uncle Walter?



Your Uncle Walter told me

everything he'd do if he was president

Now what a perfect world

this world would be 

if he was president now

but he's not!



And he sees the children smoking pot

he knows that in a moment they'll be 

shooting up heroin

teardrops in his armchair

a fifty minute lecture

tobacco juice rolling down his chin



CHORUS 1