well i thought about the army

dad said, son you're fucking high

and i thought, yeah there's a first for everything

so i took my old man's advice

three sad semesters

it was only fifteen grand spent in bed

i thought about the army

i dropped out and joined a band instead

grew a moustache and a mullet

got a job at chic-fil-a

citing artistic differences

the band broke up in may

and in june reformed without me

and they'd got a different name

i nuked another grandma's apple pie

and hung my head in shame

i've been thinking a lot today

i've been thinking a lot today

oh, i think i'll write a screenplay

oh, i think i'll take it to LA

oh, i think i'll get it done yesterday

in this time of introspection

on the eve of my election

i say to my reflection

god, please spare me more rejection

'cause my peers, they criticize me

and my ex-wives all despise me

try to put it all behind me

but my redneck past is nipping at my heels

i've been thinking a lot today

i've been thinking a lot today

i've been thinking a lot today

i thought about the army...