If I had $1000000 (if I had $1000000)
Well, I'd buy you a house (I would buy you a house)
And if I had $1000000 (if I had $1000000)
I'd buy you furniture for your house
(Maybe a nice Chesterfield or an Ottoman)
And if I had $1000000 (if I had $1000000)
Well, I'd buy you a K-Car (a nice Reliant automobile)
And if I had $1000000, I'd buy your love

If I had $1000000 
I'd build a tree fort in our yard
If I had $1000000
You could help, it wouldn't be that hard
If I had $1000000
Maybe we could put a little tiny fridge in there somewhere

(We could just go up there and hang out
Like open the fridge and stuff, and there'd be foods laid out for us
With little pre-wrapped sausages and things. Mmm
They have pre-wrapped sausages but they don't have pre-wrapped bacon.
Well, can you blame them. Yeah)

If I had $1000000 (if I had $1000000)
Well, I'd buy you a fur coat (but not a real fur coat that's cruel)
And if I had $1000000 (if I had $1000000)
Well, I'd buy you an exotic pet (like a lama or an emu)
And if I had $1000000 (if I had $1000000)
Well, I'd buy you John Merrick's remains (all them crazy elephant bones)
And if I had $1000000, I'd buy your love

If I had $1000000
We wouldn't have to walk to the store
If I had $1000000
We'd take a limousine 'cause it costs more
If I had $1000000
We wouldn't have to eat Kraft Dinner

(But we would eat Kraft Dinner. Of course we would, we'd just eat more
And buy really expensive ketchups with it
That's right, all the fanciest Dijon Ketchup. Mmm)

If I had $1000000 (if I had $1000000)
Well, I'd buy you a green dress (but not a real green dress, that's cruel)
And if I had $1000000 (if I had $1000000)
Well, I buy you some art (a Picasso or a Garfunkel)
If I had $1000000 (if I had $1000000)
Well, I'd buy you a monkey (haven't you always wanted a monkey?)
If I had $1000000, I'd buy your love

If I had $1000000 (if I had $1000000)
If I had $1000000 (if I had $1000000)
If I had $1000000
I'd be rich