I've got thirty-six expressions-- 
Sweet as pie to tough as leather, 
And that's six expressions more 
Than all them, ah, Barrymores put together. 
Instead of just kicking me 
Why don't they give me a lift? 
Well,it must be a plot, 
'Cause they're scared that I got 
Such a gift--well, I'm miffed--'cause 
I'm the greatest star-- 
I am by far, but no one knows it! 
Wait, they're gonna hear a voice, 
A silver flute--ah hah, ah hah-- 
They'll cheer each toot 
(Hey! That kid is terrific!) 
When I expose it! 
Now, can't you see to look at me 
That I'm a natural Camille? 
As Camille I just feel 
I've got so much to offer. 
Hey listen kid, I know I'd be divine because 
I'm a natural cougher. 
(coughs) 
Some ain't got it--not a lump, 
I'm a great big clump of talent! 
Laugh! 
They'll bend in half. 
(Did you ever hear the story about the traveling salesman?) 
A thousand jokes: 
Shtick around for the jokes, 
A thousand faces. I reiterate, 
When you're gifted, 
Then you're gifted, 
These are facts--I got no axe to grind. 
Hey, what are you--blind? 
In all of the world so far 
I'm the greatest star!
(speaking)
No autographs please.
You think beautiful girls are gonna stay a star forever?
I should say not!
Any minute now they're gonna be out!...Finished!
Then it'll be my turn.
(back to singing) 
Who is the pip with piz-azz? 
Who is all ginger and jazz? 
Who is as glamorous as? 
Who's an American Beauty rose 
With an American Beauty nose, 
And ten American Beaty toes, 
Eyes on the target, and wham-- 
One shot, one gun shot and BAM! 
Hey, Mr. Keeney, here I am! 
I'm the greatest star, 
I am by far, 
But no one knows it! 
That's why I was born-- 
I'll blow my horn 
Till someone knows it! 
I'll light up like a light 
Right up like a light 
I'll flicker, then flare up (ha ha)
All the world's gonna stare up 
Lookin' down 
You'll never see me-- 
Try the sky, 
'Cause that'll be me. 
I can make 'em cry, 
I can make 'em sigh, 
Someday they'll clamor 
For my dram-er. 
Have you guessed yet, 
Who's the best yet? 
If ya ain't I'll tell ya one more time. 
You bet your last dime 
In all of the world so far 
I am the greatest, greatest star!