I want a hamburger

I want a slab of rare beef with blood streaking from it

Because that's the way I like it


I don't want an ordinary burger

I want a super burger

Not a quarter pounder, not a half pounder, not a three quarter pounder

I want a real Whopper

Give me a pound of raw meat

With flies chasing after it


I wanna eat it all

I wanna put the whole thing in my mouth...


I want it with all the works too:

Mustard, ketchup, onions, relish, tomatoes, lettuce

And bring me horseradish and a bottle of Tobasco

Because I like my burgers hot and spicy


Then get the cheese:

I'll take some American cheese, Cheddar cheese, Limburger cheese, Pepper cheese

And mix it all together 'cause I like a little variety in my meal

And cheese is as American as apple pie


I wanna eat it all

I wanna put the whole thing in my mouth...


Until every bit is chewed, swallowed and rolling and turning in my stomach

I'm going to hold it back in my stomach

And wait until I meet a man-Just the right man

You know...the man wearing a flannel suit

And the pinpoint Oxford shirt from Brooks Brothers

With a paisley tie

Who looks at me with lust in his eyes

And thinks he is the conqueror of the Earth

Because he's moderately successful and uptight

And I'm going to puke it out all over him

On his tie and on his shirt and on his suit

And I won't stop puking all over him 

Until he admits 

That his love and his lust and his god

Are living in his crotch

And he realizes who and what his creator is

And why he is looking at me with lust in his eyes


I also want a diet Coke 

And some french fries too


I wanna eat it all

I wanna put the whole thing in my mo