Headaches, headaches.
Aspirin commercials give me headaches.
Just when I'm feeling chipper as you please,
That's when they show me all my sinus cavities.

Headaches, headaches.
Those sponsors don't care how my head aches.
See that announcer, he looks so fine.
His head should ache like mine.

Headaches, headaches.
Those pounding hammers give me headaches.
They say it once and then they say again,
Oh tension, pressure, pain, oh tension pressure pain.

Headaches, headaches.
Those sponsors love it when my head aches.
Mother, don't hand me those pills from the shelf.
I'd rather do it myself.

(Mommy, can't you keep Daddy's car out of the driveway?!)

Headaches, headaches.
Those sponsors love it when my head aches.
There is one remedy that's unsurpassed.
And their commercials give me headaches "fast fast fast".

Headaches, headaches.
Aspirin commercials give me headaches.
Today I swallowed the best cure yet.
I ate my TV set