Hello muddah, hello faddah

Here I am at Camp Granada

Camp is very entertaining

And they say we'll have some fun if it stops raining.



I went hiking with Joe Spivy

He developed poison ivy

You remember Leonard Skinner

He got ptomaine poison last night after dinner.



All the counselors hate the waiters

And the lake has alligators

And the head coach wants no sissies

So he reads to us from something called Ulysses.



How I don't want this to scare ya

But my bunkmate has malaria

You remember Jeffrey Hardy

They're about to organize a searching party.



Take me home, oh muddah, faddah

Take me home, I hate Granada

Don't leave me out in the forest where

I might get eaten by a bear.

Take me home I promise I will not make noise

Or mess the house with other boys.

Oh please don't make me stay

I've been here one whole day.



Dearest faddah, darling muddah,

How's my precious little bruddah

Let me come home, if you miss me

I would even let Aunt Bertha hug and kiss me.



Wait a minute, it's stopped hailing.

Guys are swimming, gals are sailing

Playing baseball, gee that's better

Muddah, faddah kindly disregard this letter.