How to stay paralyzed by fear of abandonment
How to defer to men in solvable predicaments
How to control someone to be a carbon copy of you
How to have that not work and have them run away from you

How to keep people at arms-length and never get too close
How to mistrust the ones you supposedly love the most
How to pretend you're fine and don't need help from anyone
How to feel worthless unless you're serving or helping someone

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
The course of a lifetime, you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

How to hate women when you're supposed to be a feminist
How to play all-pious when you're really a hypocrite
How to hate God when you're a prayer and a spiritualist
How to sabotage your fantasies by fear of success

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
The course of a lifetime, you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

I've been doing research for years
I've been practicing my ass off
I've been training my whole life for this moment, I swear to you
Culminating just to be this well-versed leader before you

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
The course of a lifetime, you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

How to lie to yourself and thereby to everyone else
How to keep smiling when you're thinking of killing yourself
How to numb a la 'holic to avoid going within
How to stay stuck in blue by blaming them for everything

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
The course of a lifetime, you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best

I'll teach you all this in eight easy steps
The course of a lifetime, you'll never forget
I'll show you how to in eight easy steps
I'll show you how leadership looks when taught by the best