Written by Dennis Linde 

The mechanic raised up from under my hood 
He shook his head and said, "This ain't good 
Your timin' belt's done shrunk one size too small 
Those spark plug wires are a little too long 
And your main prodsponder's nearly gone 
Your injector ports are stripped and that ain't all" 
"The torque converter's runnin' low on torque 
And that water pump's nearly down a quart 
But we caught it all in time so you're in luck" 
He said, "I've got the time and I've got the parts 
Just give me the word and I'm ready to start 
I think we can bring her in for eight hundred bucks" 

But don't be downhearted, I can fix it for you, sonny 
It won't take too long, it'll just take money 
Then he said, "Ain't you that songwriter guy?" 
I said, "Yes, I am," he said, "So am I" 
And he sat down and played me a song by the grease rack 
When he finished singin' he gave me a smile 
And I closed my eyes and pondered awhile 
And he said, "What do you think? 
Now don't hold nothin' back" 

Well, I gave him my most sorrowful look 
And I said, "This song's got a broken hook 
I can order you a new one from Nashville but it won't be cheap 
And I know you've been using a cut-rate thesaurus 
'Cause your adverbs have backed up into your chorus 
Now your verse is runnin' on verbs that are way too weak" 

But don't be downhearted, I can fix it for you, sonny 
It won't take too long, it'll just take money 
And I said, "Hold on friend now I'm not through 
I hate to be the one to give you the news 
But your whole melodic structure's worked itself loose 
It's got so many dotted eighth notes in it 
I'd keep her under fifty beats per minute 
I mean, that's just me talkin', it's really up to you" 

And you've got a bad safety problem with 
That dominant chord with the augmented fifth 
Just see how dangerously high it raises you up 
So just go on over there and work on my car 
I'll sit here by the fan and chances are 
I can straighten this thing out for eig...nine hundred bucks" 

But don't be downhearted, I can fix it for you, sonny 
It won't take too long 
You guessed it 
It may be a hit 
I like it