Chanukah is the festival of lights
Instead of one day of presents
We get eight crazy nights
So when you feel like the only kid in town
Without a Christmas tree
Here's a new list of people who are Jewish
Just like you and me
Winona Ryder drinks Manachevett's wine
Then spins a dreidel with Ralph Lauren and Calvin Klein
Guess who gives and receives loads of Chanukah toys
The girls from Veruca Salt and all three Beastie Boys
Lenny Kravits is half Jewish
Courtney Love is half, too
Put them together
What a funky, bad-ass Jew!
We got Harvey Keitel
And flash dancer Jennifer Bill
Yasmine Bleeth from Baywatch is Jewish
And, yes, her boobs are real
Put on that yarmulke
It's time for Chanukah
Two time Oscar winner Dustin Hoffmonica celebrates Chanukah
OJ Simpson, still not a Jew
But guess who is
The guy who does the voice for Scooby Doo
Bob Dylon was born a Jew
Then he wasn't, but now he's back
Mary Tyler Moore's husband is Jewish
'Cause we're pretty good in the sack
Guess who got barmitzvahhed on the PGA Tour
No, I'm not talking about Tiger Woods
I'm talking about Mr. Happy Gilmore
So many Jews are in the showbiz
Bruce Springstein isn't Jewish
But my mother thinks he is
Tell that ho Lamonica
It's time to celebrate Chanukah
It's not pronounced CH-anukah
The C is silent in Chanukah
So read your hooked on phonica
Get drunk in Tiajuanica
If you really, really wannaca
Have a happy, happy, happy, happy, Chanukah
Hapyy Chanukah!