[Dialogue intro]
You know old friend
We've been together for a long long time
We've eaten ice cream
Played little league
Smoked our first cigarette together.
But there's something I have to tell you
It's really important that I tell you now
Before you hear it from someone else
So I hope, it's okay with you?…

I love your mom
And I don't care who knows
She looks good in her fishnet pantyhose.
I love your mom
Yeah it's the truth
We once got busy in a telephone booth.

Don't be so sad
I'll let you call me dad
Don't be so sad
I'll let you call me dad

I love your mom
Yeah the rumors are true
We've been going out for about a year or two.
I love your mom
Yeah she gives good head
I'm sorry to say we've done it in your bed.

Don't be so sad
I'll let you call me dad
Don't get upset
At least I haven't done your sister yet.

[solo]

Don't be so sad
I'll let you call me dad
Don't be so sad
I'll let you call me dad
Don't be so sad
I'll let you call me dad
Don't be so sad
I'll let you call me dad dad dad