charlie had a quest
 charlie had a question that stumped the very best
 how do i get a girl close enough to me
 to make her mine perpetually?
 charlie never got an answer that he used
 but due his results he should be excused
 charlie had a mission
 charlie had a dream
 charlie had ambition like you have never seen
 charlie had one driving goal in his life
 to get a woman close enough to him to make her his wife
 he had plenty of shots at the opposite sex
 but he always uttered a pessimistic hex
 wrong time wrong place
 wrong person wrong clothes
 and to top it off you got a funny nose
 charlie hung at bookstores
 charlie hung at bars
 he could make a book for his emotional scars
 charlie thought that he had reached the end of his rope
 when a leggy blonde masqueraded by as hope
 charlie staked his life in this...his last attempt
 he strutted up beside her and grumbled "ahem!"
 [chorus]
 charlie got a girl
 charlie got a gal
 charlie was a squirrel she was his peanut pal
 they did everything together both day and night
 and despite cohabitation they rarely had a fight
 but charlie's dame was a camaro who soon became a hearse
 that's when charlie uttered the familiar curse
 [chorus