When I got to the party
They gave me a 40
And I must have been thirsty
'Cos I drank it so quickly

When I got to the bedroom
There was somebody waiting
And it isn't my fault
That the barbarian raped me

When I went to get tested
I brought along my best friend
Melissa Mahoney
Who had once been molested

And she knew how to get there
She knew all the nurses
They were all really friendly
But the test came up positive

Uh-oh
I've seen better days
But I don't care
Oh I just sent a letter in the mail

When I got my abortion
I brought along my boyfriend
We got there an hour
Before the appointment

And outside the building
Were all these annoying 
Fundamentalist Christians
We tried to ignore them

Uh-oh
I've had better days
But I don't care
Oasis got my letter in the mail

When vacation was over
The word was all over
That I was a crack whore
Melissa had told them

Until now we're not talking
Except we have tickets 
To see 'Blue in October'
And I think we're still going

Uh-oh
I've seen better days
But I don't care
Oh I just got a letter in the mail
Oasis and a photograph
It's autographed and everything
Melissa's gonna wet herself I swear