The credits roll, the camera pans
And in the mist our hero stands
He starts to speak, then folds his hands in prayer

An awkward pause, then what's my line?
There's nothing left to say this time
And what would you say to a bad guy who's not there?
In terms of Roman numberals
He's IV league with Roman Polanski
He'd win an Oscar every time if he was only given the chance

He started on the Broadway stage
A product of another age
An offer and a pilot drew him west

The series bombed, commercials came
And though nobody knew his name
They all recognized the potential he possessed

Deodorants and dental floss
And how much does that new car cost
His acting was methodical in 'You Don't Need A Medical'
He's branded like a racing car
He's like a movie star without movies
The week of Independence Day
The casting agent called to say
Your smile could save our movie and the world

Buy, buy, buy, buy
Sell, sell, sell
How well you learn to not discern
Who's foe and who is friend
We'll own them all in the end

It goes like this, we have no choice
The minarets, the wailing voice
And vaguely Celtic music fills the air

We choose a foreigner to hate
The new Iraq gets more irate
We really know nothing about them and no one cares

Aladdin and the forty thieves
Enhanced by brand new special effects
Saddam and his cow disease spiced up
With some gratuitous sex
A movie's made, a war is won
A low-speed chase, a smoking gun
Distracts us while the actor takes the stand

Buy, buy, buy, buy
Sell, sell, sell
How well you learn to not discern
Who's foe and who is friend
We'll own them all in the end