And you're stuck inside the house all alone
 That's when you decided it might be fun to harass someone
 Dial a random number up on your telephone
 You ask if their refrigerator is running
 Then you tell 'em they should go out and catch it
 Buddy, if they ever figured out where you were callin' 'em from
 They'd come and bust your head right in with a ratchet
 Listen to me
 Don't go makin' phony calls
 Please stick to the seven-digit numbers you're used to
 I know that you think it's funny drivin' folks up the wall
 But it's really gettin' old fast

 Little Melvin has a natural obsession
 Askin' for Prince Albert in a can
 He gets a kick each time he makes a collect call
 To some guy he doesn't know who lives in Japan
 He's callin' strangers up at three in the morning
 Gives 'em pizza pie delivery at four
 He won't be laughin when they're tracin' his line
 One day the phone police will be there at his door
 Yo, hear me

 Don't go makin' phony calls
 Only dial the seven-digit numbers you're used to
 Swear someday I'm gonna yank that phone cord right out from the wall
 How long is this phase gonna last?
 Come on

 Moe's bar, what'll ya eat, beat or drink?
 Uh, yeah, hello, is Mike there? Last name Rotch.
 Hold on. I'll check. Mike Rotch! Mike Rotch! Hey, has anybody seen Mike Rotch lately?
 Listen to me, you little puke. One of these days, I'm going to catch you, and I'm going to carve my name on your back with an ice pick!

 Don't go makin' phony calls
 Please stick to the seven-digit numbers you're used to
 You went through the New York City phone book and prank called 'em all
 Hope that you grow out of this fast

 Dont' go makin' phony calls,
 Please stick to the seven-digit numbers you're used to
 Betcha think it's funny when you're drivin' folks right up the wall
 But you're just a pain in the aaa