The tales that I tell so well...

 I met this girl  her name was Joan
 She loved the way I rocked the microphone
 When I met Joan  I took her home
 She was just like a doggy all on my bone
 I met another girl  her name was Ann
 All she wanted was to freak with a man
 When I met Ann  I soked her pans
 We ended up freakin' by garbage can
 The next young freak I met was Red
 I took her to the house and she gave me head
 She likes to freak was all she said
 We jumped in the sheets and we broke my bed
 There's another girl, her name is Mary
 Talked about sex and the girl acted scary
 I heard she was freakin' for my homeboy Jerry
 Took her to the house and I popped that cherry
 Young and tender, sweet Denise
 Get her in the bed and the girl's a beast
 I tell you, homeboy, If you get a piece
 She only talks about signin' a lease
 I met this tender, her name was Lori
 And a X-rated movie wouldn't tell her story
 She had a twinsister, her name was Lisa
 And just like Lori, she's a real dick pleaser
 My girlfriend's name was Michelle, I freaked her well
 Her pussy got hotter than flames in hell
 I geed this girl, her name was Tammy
 I didn't wanna do it cause the bitch was flammy
 She had a best friend, her name was Jane
 I pulled to the side and I spitted that game
 I met a lot of freaks in my lifespine
 Freaked one night with a girl named Pam
 The very next day I saw her with her man
 One week passed and I was in her again
 I had an old tender, her name was Janie
 She was thirty-two and I was only eighteen
 She likes to freak, she's just a fiend
 It really didn't matter when I saw her in jeans
 I wanna big freak, fat and slobby
 I kick on back and I watch her mouth
 Two tons of fun, big mama jama
 A country-girl from Alabama
 I met this girl, her name was Betty
 Her pussy got wet and it smelled like death
 I was tired as hell, I was drippin' sweat
 But I was all up in her tryin' to hold my breath
 Bake and shake us, I met this freak in Vegas
 She said her name was Donna
 She was a pitty little freak from China
 I said I don't pimp or gigolo
 I'm havin' so much money that I don't need a hoe
 You can break yourself but you can't break me
 You never met a player like $hort, baby
 I knew a dick sucker named Betty-Jo
 Took her to my home and we did it on the floor
 The girl got freaky and I tell you more:
 She was down on her knees beggin' to blow
 She's like another freak named Ren'
 You get her alone and she'll make your day
 Like Burger King, she knows the play
 But a freak like Ren', you can have it your way...

 These are the tales, the freaky tales...
 These are the tales that I tell so well...

 I met this girl, thick as hell
 Only sixteen, said her name was Linell
 I took her to my house, I could not wait
 Her shit was much tighter than Central Safe
 Let me tell you this since we talkin' young
 I met another girl, said her name was Yvonne
 Always talkin' about havin' fun
 Once again in the bed I got it goin' on
 I'm Sir Too $hort, couldn't be no punk
 I try to get funky like female funk
 So when you see me comin' or see me goin'
 I keep my money, let the hoes keep throwin'
 I once met a tender, she did it for free
 On the Foothill bust number forty-three
 All the way on the back she was workin' me
 Had my big beatbox and I was jammin' the beat
 I met this freak named aunt Winell
 Macked on the baby like an ice-cold vet
 Everythin' she had is what I get
 Cause I'm Too $hort, baby, I don't play that shit
 I met another freak, her name was Rita
 Baby thought that $hort just might eat her
 I told her like this, she can suck my peter
 Or even go home cause I knew I didn't need her
 Scratched her name off my telephone book
 Never again I took a second look
 Cause the next young freak, her name was Sharon
 She kept lookin', well, I kept stairin'
 Her booty was stuffed in the jeans she was wearin'
 She never left, she cutted out
 I know you all know what I'm talkin' about
 There's a freak named Shane, such a sinner
 She smokes that pipe and she's gettin' thinner
 Shane is cool but her mind is gone
 One fat rock and it's goin' on
 She had another buddy, came by my place
 Thick ass bitch, said her name was Grace
 She walked in the door wearin' a lace
 You shoulda seen that look that was on my face
 She's like this tender named Belinda
 Homeboys call her Belinda the Blender
 She gave head like she made it up
 She was twenty years old with a big round butt
 Had a girl slick like olive oil
 Her father was rich and the girl was spoiled
 When she got mad he blood would boil
 But I rapped her off like I'm lookin' a toy...

 These are the tales, the freaky tales...
 The tales that I tell so well...

 Shockedy life, Friday night, it's goin' on Too $hort
 Three weeks ago I met this freak
 She followed me around like Mary's sheep
 I hitted around the corner and when she came
 I grabbed her by the arm and I asked her name
 She said it was Nina and her man's in Santa Rita
 I took her to my home and homeboy, I geed her
 Set her on the way the very next way
 Playboy $hort was ready to play
 I bumped to this girl, her name was Roseanne
 We hitted the motel and got it goin' on
 Holiday Inn to the break of dawn
 When I took baby home, I freaked her mom
 I knew this tender named Shanie
 I took her to the house and let her freak on me
 Baby was a fan, she loved my beat
 But I wouldn't raise my leg to let her kiss my feet
 I met this freak named Yolanda
 Rolled baby doll like a brand new Honda
 I was on top and she was up under
 The bed hitted the wall and it sounded like thunder
 I once had a datewith girl named Kitty
 She was so fine with big fat tiddies
 All night long she was actin' shitty
 So i macked on baby like I was Frank Nitti
 There's another girl, her name is Rose
 I use to roll baby like brand new Volvos
 I never saw Rose wearin' clothes
 She's a pimp house pet, ready to pose
 I was ridin' down the street when I met Janet
 Her booty was bigger than the whole damn planet
 Ass everywhere, I just can't stand it
 Tried to poem it but I could not manage
 I had this freak, her name was Bunny
 Said I was the only man who ever called her honey
 Everythin' I did to her was funny
 I macked on bunny and I took her money
 Eight tonight a date with Shirlie
 She was really short and her hair was curly
 If you saw baby you liked this girlie
 She was so fine I went to get her early
 Shirlie was freakin' like a girl named Rachel
 Her bite was vicious and it sure was fatal
 She liked to kiss all on my neval
 Those are her lips on top of my label
 I knew another freak, her name was Candy
 Real big lips and they came in handy
 I smooth got worked and it was so dandy
 I hooked the brood up with my homeboy Randy
 He did me a favor in return
 Gave me a lizard, said her name was Laverne
 Baby got tossed and I got it on
 I grabbed the mic and started to sing my song
 My young homeboy heard me rap
 And said he had way more freaks than that
 So I told him like this: they might be freakin'
 But, boy, you never had that T-P-Treatment