Announcer: I should like to introduce now the featured 
artist of this evening's...ordeal. I'm sure that you 
will all agree without any hesitation that Tom Lehrer 
is the most brilliant creative genius that America has 
produced in almost 200 years, so perhaps a few words of 
biographical background might not be amiss. Endowed by 
nature with perhaps the most glorious baritone voice to 
be heard on an American stage since the memorable 
concert debut in 1835 of Millard Fillmore; endowed also 
with twelve incredibly agile fingers; Mr. Lehrer has 
had a long and varied career in the field of 
entertainment starting with nine years at Harvard 
University...where it was that he first decided to 
devote his life to what has since become a rather 
successful scientific project - namely, the attempt to 
prolong adolescence beyond all previous limits. 

Even before he came to Harvard, however, he was well 
known in academic circles for his masterly translation 
into Latin of The Wizard of Oz*, which remains even 
today the standard Latin version of that work. A few 
States Army and spent most of his indenture in 
Washington as sort of Army liaison to the Office of 
Naval Contemplation. About his service record he is 
justifiably... modest, but it is known that in a short 
time he rose to the rank of brigadier general. However, 
before he could acquire a tenure, he was discharged, 
and owing to nepotism and intrigue, he emerged with 
only the rank of Specialist 3rd Class, which was 
roughly equivalent to the rank of Corporal without 
Portfolio. 

But to return to his career in show business: for 
several years he toured vaudeville theaters with an act 
consisting of impressions of people in the last throes 
of various diseases. I'm sure that many of you here 
tonight still recall with pleasure his memorable 
diphtheria imitation. He is generally acknowledged to 
be the dean of living American composers, and is 
currently working on a musical comedy based on the life 
of Adolph Hitler**. Without further ado - Tom Lehrer... 

(The Announcer sits down at the piano, revealing 
himself to be Tom)


You'd be amazed at the money we save that way.