You see I met this girl
And one thing led to another
And then she called me up on the telephone
And then she told me that she loved me
And that's pretty good

Because every time she calls my name I get a boner
Every time she calls my name I get a boner

I take her to movies
I take her to restaurants
We eat all our favorite foods
I take her out dancing
Well, she dances
I just sit there and watch because I don't dance
But it doesn't really matter what we do
Because we are in love, and that's pretty good to be in love
But you know

That every time she calls my name I get a boner
Oh don't you know

You know what
I was just with her yesterday
Here, smell my fingers

Her parents hate me
But that's ok, because I hate her parents twice as much as they hate me
And I hate her sisters, and I hate her brothers
And I hate her little dog "Toto", or "Noodles", or "Dorito's"
Or whatever the dog's name is
I really don't care because I kick it whenever I see it anyway

And every time she calls my name I get a boner
Oh don't you know