Reach for the stars! 



You stand on a distant planet 

Skyline of red plateaus 

Strange air and vegetation 

You're a winner! 



Welcome to the Space Olympics 

The year Thirty Twenty Two 

Take part in a grand tradition 

Your name echoes in the holes of the universe! 



Believe in yourself! 

Take your game into outer space! 



Every single galactic athlete 

Needs a coded ID badge 

Drug tests are mandatory 

You're a winner! 



The Athlete's Village is on Zargon 

You all get a junior suite 

We don't cover incidentals 

So keep your ass off the minibar! 



You're the best in the world! 

Brace yourself 'cause there's no gravity! 



You're in the motherfuckin' Space Olympics! 



Let it be known by every nation 

You'll only get one meal a day 

There was a bit of a budget SNAFU 

And food funding is insufficient 



We can't really enforce a curfew 

As there is no light or sound 

Just one of the many problems 

With hosting a sporting event in space. 



Attention all athletes. There are minor scheduling adjustments. 



Space Disc! Is totally cancelled. 

Space Swords! Is totally cancelled. 

Space Luge! Is also cancelled. 

And all other events are pending! 



Welcome to your Space Olympics 

All the oxygen has run out 

And someone who will not be named 

Accidentally hit self-destruct 



As you file to your escape pods 

I'll distract the alien hordes 

And as I stare death in the face I know my sins will take me to hell. 



You do it for the love 

My love 

And there ain't no woman that could take your spot my love