I tired spot cream an' I tried it all I'm crawling up the wall!

What's my name naaaame...naaaame....naaaame....

I tried to join a ping-pong club, sign on the door said all full up!
I got nicked, fighting in the road an' the judge didn't even know

What's my name

Dad go pissed so I got clocked
Couldn't hear the Tannoy so he lost the lot
Offers Mum a bribe through the letter box
Drives you fucking mad

What's my name

Now I'm round the back of your house at night
Peeping in the window - are you sleeping tight?
I laugh at your locks with my celloid strip
An' you won't know who came

What's my name