Written by Kevin Bacon 

 

"We want this to become the 'You're So Vain' of the millennium." KB 

 

There's a line around the block, and it stretches a mile 

They're gonna pay good money to see your dazzlin' smile 

You got a come-hither look in your babydoll eyes 

And you got the kind of body make a man tell lies 

And when you're standing next to me, you do the little things you do 

 

I say, I'm so glad I'm not married, so glad I'm not married 

I'm so glad I'm not married, to you 

 

You're the center of attention everywhere you go 

Sittin' on the boys' laps puttin' on a show 

You get your clothes and your shoes and your drugs for free 

And God knows you've got a lot more money than me 

When you're bendin' over just to give us all a better view 

 

I say, I'm so glad I'm not married, so glad I'm not married 

I'm so glad I'm not married, to you 

 

You introduce me to your guy and you say your love is true 

Well he's a better man than I, 'cause he's got to live with you 

In the movie of your life, he is just an extra in it 

But baby, if you were my wife 

To have and hold, the truth be told 

I couldn't take it for a New York minute 

 

Now you're crying 'cause the paper printed something rude 

You say you never, ever, ever, ever touched that dude 

Well, it's the National Enquirer it can't be true 

But I'm not so sure they got it wrong about you 

You're feeling kind of tragic and your eyes get misty-blue (boo-hoo!) 

 

I say, I'm so glad I'm not married, so glad I'm not married 

I'm so glad I'm not married, to you