Things That Make You Go...



I was at a club, sittin' with my friends

Watchin' all the girls as they walked on through

She came from behind put her hands on my eyes

In a very soft voice, she said "guess who"

I didn't have a clue, didn't recognize the voice

Her fingers seemed wrinkled so I did my only choice

I turned around slow and opened my eyes

And nothing could have ever prepared my for the surprise

She said "I'm a walking sex machine"

But the ho was no younger than 73

Flabby grandma breasts hanging down to her waist

Cellulite flappin' all over the place

Sportin' spandex shorts bright pink and green

She sat on my lap and broke my knee

She breathed in my face and my lunch came up

She's sickening



Things That Make You Go...



Here's what I ordered, started the horror

In some restaurant south of the border

Chicken and rice with a little bit of spice

They made it sound good but it looked like wood

Cut into the chicken, thought it was fried

Maggotts came out and my appetite died

The U.F.O.'s were served in sets

Those are Undigestible Frying Objects

The rice was plastic flavored with bugs

Soda was nothing but carbonated blood

I thought maybe the salad would be safe

But the skunk cabbage gave it a terrible taste

And the chocolate pudding, I don't know how made it

I know what it looked like, I don't wanna say it

The food tasted better as it came back up



Things That Make You Go...



Me and a friend went out to see a film

A good horror flick with a lot of kills

All night horror man I love that stuff

But I didn't know my friend would take it so rough

Seven bucks some soda and food

I was in a pure intense gore mood

The movie started, man I couldn't wait

People were dying left and right it was great

Time went by and the body count grew

My friend just didn't know what to do

My boy kept telling me, "Yo, I feel sick

I better get out of this theater quick"

I said "calm down, I know you'll be fine"

So I was wrong, I couldn't read his mind

The look on his face said vomit was near

He said "I never should have watched..."



Things That Make You Go...



Hey ladies, have you ever seen a guy

Who's ugly as sin and you don't know why

But he kisses your lips and he says "hey toots"

And now you feel as bad as he looks

And then he's there with zits on his face

So many in fact that skin is a waste

He talks to you like there's nothing wrong

But then he pops 'em and the pus flies long

Mysterious smells just materialize

Your lungs implode and there's tears in your eyes

It ain't no use for you to plug your nose

I wonder who farted when the elevator closed

Dressed to express but he looks like a geek

And he hasn't showered in three or four weeks

You come home late and throw up in the sink



Things That Make You Go...