Thank you for your money and I thank you for your call 

Now let me gaze deep into my crystal ball 

And see what the future has in store for you 

I gotta concentrate to clearly let the message come through 

It says you'll win the lottery but lose the ticket 

When your house catches fire and your dog dies in it 

Then again I could be wrong but I never have before 

Push one now if you want to hear more 

Let's see, someone will throw up in your car 

But don't worry 'cause your car will blow up at the mall 

And kill everyone in the area 

And the top of your head'll get a little less hairier 

So give up, take a bath, go to bed 

If you're lucky tomorrow you might wake up dead 

If not, hey what more can I say 

You're outta luck, your life sucks, thanks for callin' have a nice day.  



Love, sex, your future looks bleak 

Your son will be born as a two headed freak 

And then sometime next week, your wife is gonna die 

When she tries to make love to a banana cream pie 

But don't feel bad 'cause you'll fall in love again 

To a beautiful woman with a golden brown tan 

Romance blossoms like a rose it's a thriller 

But her ex-boyfriend will act like a weed killer 

When he pummels your face into the ground so hard 

That you become permanently part of the front yard 

Where there a lawn mower mangles your face 

And scatters your remains all over the place 

Your life means nothing, you're a loser, you're a bore 

So don't bother me with your troubles no more 

You'll be lucky if you live past half-past eight 

You're outta luck, your life sucks, thanks for callin', have a nice day.  



You again? Alright, last time 

You don't have to be psychic to read your mind 

I know about you and your kind it's a crime 

You got a little extra money and a lot of spare time 

You will be greeted by a tall dark man 

With a skull for a face and a sickle in his hand 

The good news, you won't have to worry about germs  

Bad news, now you're lunch for maggots and worms 

But before you bite it, you might wanna know 

That a tumor in your brain is beginning to grow 

But I wouldn't worry about that I would watch where I walk 

'Cause you're gonna get hit by a truck 

Personally I'll be glad when you're gone 

And I hope that you're scattered over my front lawn 

And tomorrow will be even worse than today 

You're outta luck, your life sucks, thanks for callin' have a nice day.