(parody of "Regulate" by Warren G. and Nate Dogg)



Masturbators 

We'll masturbate with anything we can get our hands on 

From Victoria's Secret Catalogs to Archie Comics 

We're damn good, too  

But you can't be any Jack off the street 

You gotta be handy with the candy if you know what I mean 

Masturbators! 

Jack up!  



It was a beautiful night, under the stars 

Walking hand in hand, away from all the cars  

We came to a tree and sat down in the grass 

I put my hand on her knee, I tried to make a pass 

Just went to the movies with the girl of my dreams 

Bulging out of my pants nearly breaking the seams 

Put my arm around the girl then she wrecked my pride  

When she jammed her elbow really hard in my side

Sittin' under the tree she put her arm around me 

Then she grabbed me and repeatedly bashed me into the tree 

The girl ran away, I sat there and moaned 

She stole my car so I'm-a have to walk home 

She didn't watch the movie she just walked away 

I guess she didn't care since she didn't have to pay 

But I'm not gonna let this ruin my date 

But then the girl came back and threw her soda in my face

This ain't my day, I guess I'm outta luck 

I still can't believe that I messed this up 

I passed a movie theater not feeling too well 

I looked at the marquis and said what the hell 

I saw my homie Devo Spice walking into the film 

I waved him over and he sat where the soda spilled 

He didn't seem to care that his butt was wet 

'Cause that's the only satisfaction he was going to get

I got pressure in my head, other parts are turning blue 

I'm sittin' next to Stain wondering what to do 

I left the movie theater decided just to roam 

I wandered for a while then I found my way home 

Spice got up and left so I left too  

I'm still horny so I know what I have to do  

We both went out and we both blew our dates 

So Stain and Devo Spice had to masturbate



Sittin' in my bedroom with some Vaseline 

And the girl of my dreams in a magazine 

Since I wasn't with a real girl and I was annoyed 

I began to shake hands with the unemployed

Now Stain is a bum and that's a known fact 

But I'm not known for resortin' to a jack 

Just  once just once just this time

With Miss September and me, in a knuckle bind 

The very next night I was lookin' for some fun 

So I called every girl I knew 

Most of them just began to laugh 

And a couple of them even spewed 

So I paced back and forth I just couldn't believe 

I said ooh not again  

So when  a girl scout came to sell cookies I asked her 

Would you like to yank my chain 

I got Victoria's Secret in the house with us 

The next step is the Jerkit Circus



I'm tweaking  on a whole new level 

But I gotta admit I'm happier than ever 

I can do any girl no hesitation or trouble 

Kelly Bundy, Cindy Crawford, maybe even Betty Rubble

Whips, chains, magazines, Vaseline,

G-strings, where you don't need a wife and you don't need a condom 

If you do like I do 

You know that it'll blow your mind 

But if you do it too often 

Be careful 'cause you might go blind 

If you try real hard 

Then you might just get a date 

But if your ass is ugly 

Then you're gonna have to masturbate