I was walkin' through the mall headin' to the record store 

Gonna buy a new tape that came out the day before 

Halfway there when I got a big scare 

There's a guy with a clipboard scratching his hair 

With a pencil, he's a Mall-Cockroach 

And his face lit up when h saw me approach 

I didn't even look at him I tried to hide 

And I gradually wandered to the mall's other side 

A guided missile couldn't catch me as fast 

As this guy did as I tried to walk past 

Pushed his face in mine and said "Excuse me sir, 

May I have a few minutes of your time for a survey?" 

My first thought was to bash in his skull with a brick 

And then get out of there quick 

But there's witnesses around, they would see him goin' down 

And the last thing I need is to be sent downtown 

So I told him make it quick, do it short and to the point 

I had to keep a gynecologist appointment 

I really just didn't want to be there for an hour 

Then he turned to me and said, Do you piss in the shower? 

Uhhh, I didn't know what to say 

I was expecting an important question from the survey 

Maybe something about AIDS for an intelligent discussion 

Not a meaningless remark about a bodily function 

He was serious and I was shocked 

I just stuttered for a minute, I was in a mental block 

Then he informed me that the government was payin' 

To see how much urine was goin' down the drain 

Just one of many studies that the government endows 

Like how many gay seagulls and how many farting cows 

Who really cares? So I said I'm gonna go 

My piss is my business so you're never gonna know 

But this is a real problem, we gotta try and fix it 

Homelessness is caused by too many people pissin' 

The theory makes sense and it's really quite frightening

I said, you're on drugs, but please, enlighten me 

Gladly, scientists last year found 

That urine from the shower drain leaks into the ground 

It gets into the water that everybody drinks 

Then it messes with their mind so the people can't think 

They start takin' drugs all day and night 

Then they lose their job 'cause they don't do it right 

No job, no money, no home 

This is a serious problem we can't leave alone 

He seemed to want to make a career about piss 

And I couldn't believe he was serious about this 

So I walked away, I needed out of that place 

But he turned and got right in my face 

I got a weird felling kinda like heartburn 

'Cause this guy was more attached to me than a tapeworm 

I'm positive this guy would have followed me home 

I said get out of my face and leave my urine alone 

I pushed him away and wiped his spit off my chest 

He said You're not gonna answer? Surely you jest 

I said yeah, I jest, I jest oughtta kill you 

Ask me again and some blood will be spilled 

Do you piss in the shower?  Boom, that's that 

Bashed his face against the wall a few times now it's flat 

And with his very last gasp of air he said 

Do you piss in the shower?, so I pissed on his head.