There ain't nothin' to do in my home town 

So I grab my remote and I plant myself down 

Suckin' down cheese balls by the pound 

Gonna watch TV till my brain melts down 



I got no wife and I got no life 

But I got my remote so I'm set for the night 

Never shower so I smell like rotten eggs 

Cobwebs growin' out the side of my legs 

'Cause I haven't gotten up in sixteen years 

Missin' a show is one of my worst fears 

My father wants to know what kind of drugs I'm on 

I don't get up to eat or even go to the john 

Even if I wanted to I doubt I could 

Because my legs feel like they're made of petrified wood 

Here in the same place in the same slouch 

My butt is fused to the cushion of the couch 

Dropped out of school in the second grade 

Got a ten foot screen, got a glass of lemonade 

Got a jar next to me for when I have to pee 

This is the way life was meant to be 



There ain't nothin' to do in my home town 

So I grab my remote and I plant myself down 

Suckin' down cheese balls by the pound 

Gonna watch TV till my brain melts down  



Rats and roaches run around the room 

I forgot what it's like to be in any other room 

I stare at the tube and I never make a sound 

'Cause the TV set never lets me down 

Talk shows, talk shows, all day long 

With stuff like this, how can I go wrong? 

Like cross dressin' Nazis who live on Gummy bears 

And Elvis impersonators singing in their underwear 

Games, game shows all day and night 

I live for shows like The Price Is Right 

I'm still waitin' to see Bob Barker cringe 

When a fat woman pulls the big wheel off the hinge 

Wait, what's happening, this has to be a joke 

Oh, God, no, please, my remote is broke 

These are brand new batteries I can't  believe they blew 

Now what the hell am I supposed to do? 

There ain't nothin' to do in my home town 

So I grab my rerote* and I plant myself down 

Suckin' down cheese balls by the pound 

Gonna watch TV till my brain melts down.