I got a special talent that I love to share

When I'm home or goin' out I pollute the air

You can always tell where I have been and when

'Cause a lot of people never wanna go there again

Early in the morning, or late at night

I don't decide, it just happens when the time is right

And when the time comes you better hope you're not around

When I run to the bathroom and go to town, I'm gonna



[chorus]

Blow up the bathroom! All night long!

Blow up the bathroom! Man, that's just wrong

Blow up the bathroom! It's nasty they tell me

Blow up the bathroom! For the love of God, help me!



I run to the bathroom and lock myself in

You hear an earthquake followed by a gust of wind

Then the smart people make a break for the front door

And like a bad horror movie others go to explore

Most never come back 'cause they're under attack

By a smell that can burn the hair off of their back

Very few that go in every manage to survive

And if they do they'll need therapy the rest of their lives

I wish that I could tell you how to get rid of the smell

But nothing that I tried ever worked too well

To get the steam off the window you can use a squeegee

But don't light a match or you'll get blown to Fiji

The best I can suggest is to just stay away

I never jest I'm just trying to keep your hair from turning gray

You better pray if you're ever in the house with me

Because my ass can be a real catastrophe, when I

(chorus)



It starts flowin' and until I reach my quota, I sit there and

Explode-a, like a shaken bottle of soda

Wait till you get a load of my load, sometimes it glowed

It pollutes the abode and the whole area code

The stench that I produce will stick around for years

Your eyes'll fill up with tears as your stomach switches gears

Into reverse 'cause my curse is utterly perverse

You better race me to the bathroom and hope you get there first

Nuclear fallout's got nothing on my gas

Scientists are trying to calculate the half-life of my ass

If you're next in line, you might have to wait

For the haz-mat team to decontaminate

Otherwise you might just choke to death

Just imagine that being your very last breath

That's a death that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy

But the government wants a new weapon so they're lettin' me

(chorus)



They tell me what I do is reprehensable

All I know is that the smell's incomprehensable

With the size of the you-know-what from my rear end

That toilet may never flush normally again

A plunger wouldn't help though try as you might

You might have to use a quarter stick of dynomite

To disperse the mess that leave in my wake

Just be careful 'cause a handful of that stuff could cause a plague

I'm the best lover your toilet ever had

I'm the reason that New Jersey smells so bad

So try to keep your distance if you see me around town

'Cause I grunt and I growl and I blow the house down

The best thing that you can do is to relocate

To a remote section on the other side of the state

Of all the places in the world the last place you wanna be

Is in the port-a-potty that is right next to me

(chorus)